Outside and In: With a Splash of Grumpy Sauce

I was excited to sign up for the Voice Pen Purpose 7-Day Blog Challenge. I had absolutely no idea what I would be writing about prior to the start of the series, but writing is a passion of mine. Putting my words out there for everyone to see … sure! Why not? (stamping down the anxiety under my foot)

Day One is supposed to consist of an introduction about myself and a story. This is definitely an interesting day to start a blog challenge, let alone introduce myself, because it has been a day filled with tons of grumpy sauce. More on that part later…

Let me start by giving you an idea of who I am on the outside. I am 43-years-old, a daughter, older sister to three siblings, mother of 5, step-mother of 1, grandmother of 2, ex-wife, new wife, newly hired employee at a local convenience store, in-progress author, and an entrepreneur of my own coaching and holistic healing business. Phew! -- Are we a sum of all our parts? These are just some of my elements. 😉

Going a little deeper, I am an empath, intuitive, medium, and energy worker. I am certified in Holy Fire Reiki, Angelic Chakra Integration, ThetaHealing, and Professional Life Coaching. I love to write, teach and share my gifts with others to help them in their own natural healing process.

Now, a person who is a healer typically spends a lot of time working on themselves in their own growth process. Thus, the grumpy sauce day today. You see, I have just started a journey of working on my shadow-self. And, boy has a lot of icky crap been coming up!

Shadow work is a journey of delving deep within to get to the unconscious part of yourself that most of us are afraid to even look at. It is about allowing the ick to come up so you can examine it, and become friends with it so it can be a part of your natural duality, instead of something you fight against. Anytime we stumble across a trigger that upsets us, it usually is a mirror to something we don’t feel comfortable with in ourselves. So, why have I felt like “everyone” is pissing me off lately? You got it! There are things coming to the surface to be examined.

Two minutes after taking my chef’s coat off this morning, I spilled BBQ sauce all down the front of my shirt, onto my shoes and the floor.

About half an hour after that, I was coming around a corner with two flats of croissants, stumbled over cleaning products someone had left in the hallway, allowing the flats to go flying and sliding down the hall.

Then the biggie this afternoon…

Insert co-worker who is young enough to be my daughter, telling me what to do.

“You are supposed to be working over there! M had to go take care of YOUR guy when she should be over here getting out the order SHE is supposed to be working on!”

Meanwhile, said co-worker is standing there chopping veggies, a chore that must have been imperative at that time, because why else wouldn’t she be able to step up and help?

“First of all, M knew that I was coming out of the cooler. I didn’t know that a customer had come up to the counter, and I don’t take orders from you!”

Yowza! I snapped at her! Not sure how loud venom comes in a hushed tone, but that’s what spittled out of my mouth.

I pulled her aside later to apologize and let her know that I don’t take kindly to getting snapped at myself. I prefer to be talked to.

She responded with, “We all need to work as a team.” (I’m thinking “no shit!”) “The appropriate thing would have been for you to go take care of YOUR customer and let M do what she needed to do, instead of telling me that you don’t take orders from me! I’m not nice, I’m not un-nice, I just tell it like it is.”

O.M.G.! She’s telling me what is appropriate for me? Who the hell does she think she is?

Reflecting on this biggie later at home with my trusty journal, I looked for what triggered me from this confrontation. I DON’T LIKE BEING TOLD WHAT TO DO! Yet, I know that I have done that multiple times to my children, and who knows who else! Ugh!

I DON’T LIKE BEING TALKED TO IN A TONE THAT IS DISRESPECTFUL. Oh no! How many times have I done this to family or friends?

And the biggest lesson, HOW MANY TIMES HAS THIS PARTICULAR CO-WORKER TICKED ME OFF AND I WAITED TO SAY SOMETHING UNTIL I SNAPPED? Yep, that has been a common occurrence for me in my history. I try to be nice and just swallow down the things that make me unhappy. Then that bottle boils up and overflows in the most inconvenient of ways.

So, after seeing this scenario, I hope you can take my word for it that I am truly a very thoughtful person who is there for people whenever they need me. I’m usually dripping with sugar and honey. Today just happened to be one that was meant to be full of lessons and character building experiences!

I'm taking a different sauce bottle to work with me tomorrow!